Tuesday, January 10, 2017

I miss you so much.

Patti, I miss you so much. I long to sit face-to-face with you and look into your eyes and try again to express how much I loved you. I never did succeed in getting you to understand the depth of my love. Perhaps now with your body free of disease and your heart open to love and understanding, maybe you could see the love in my eyes.

I knew grieving your loss would be difficult, but I thought I would adjust, but I have not yet found a way to get through a full day and night wothout tears flowing, which I accept as healing. Now a year later? I find that my physical heart is ailing. It is potentially life threatening. Wouldn't it be like me to die of a broken heart? I have gone to my doctor and told her something is wrong. She put me on a dangerous med, and ordered s Sleep Study next week, then a Colonoscopy, and an Electrocardiogram.    I am concerned enough to have bought my first bab of Decaf Coffee. You know how I always resisted Decaf.

I am with heavy heart but realize now it is more than grief. I will do what I must to guard my health. I promised you to take care of Shelby and you know the grief I feel about my Ohio Kids and grandchildren, and Debra is due about my birthday in February.

I always said,  "There's a place for us, somewhere." I pray you are there and waiting for me. I told you I would be along shortly. It may be sooner than I thought.

I pray that we will be together again, but if not, I have kept my promise to always love you. For now, I need to look after Shelby and be here for her as she confronts her own health issues.

With love,
"Your Ronnie"

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